*greeting cards worth keeping* ✦ FREE POSTAGE over £20 ✦ postcards, greeting cards & membership ✦ free downloads for the text ✦ colouring books full of tastefully drawn profanities ✦ you didn't ask to be here — welcome anyway     *greeting cards worth keeping* ✦ FREE POSTAGE over £20 ✦ postcards, greeting cards & membership ✦ free downloads for the text ✦ colouring books full of tastefully drawn profanities ✦ you didn't ask to be here — welcome anyway   
🌸 🌼 🌺 🌷
for anyone getting over anyone.

fk that.

The place where you're allowed to call your ex a prick.

Or a dick. Or a wanker. Or whatever.

Cards, postcards and colouring books — for the days you can't find the words, and the days you've got too many.

Shop greeting cards 💌 Postcards → Membership card → Colouring books ✏️

Message text is free to download. Printed cards are proper card, in a stiff envelope.

01 — What to say

For when you can't find the words.

Things to send a friend who's in it. Copy the words for free, or turn any of these into a printed greeting card and have it posted. Free UK postage on any order over £20.

FREE
to Copy.
The text is free forever. Printed cards cost money because paper does. Our logo stays on: the credit for being the funny friend is all yours.
02 — Postcards

Three stages. You don't skip them.

Postcards for wherever you are. The message text on each is free to download — the printed postcard is £2.50 + postage (or free postage when your order is over £20).

The Rage postcard — front
front
The Rage postcard — back
back

The Rage.

Extremely valid.

  • He's a prick. Say it out loud.
  • Delete the photos. Not the receipts.
  • Block, unblock, block again. It's fine.
£2.50 + postage
Order printed — £2.50
Take It Back postcard — front
front
Take It Back postcard — back
back

Take It Back.

Reclaim the playlist, the pub, the postcode.

  • Go to the place he thinks is his.
  • Wear the outfit he never got.
  • Text the friend, not the ex.
£2.50 + postage
Order printed — £2.50
Growth postcard — front
front
Growth postcard — back
back

Growth.

Quietly, without a hashtag.

  • You laughed and didn't check who saw.
  • You said his name without flinching.
  • You realised: you're the one you were waiting for.
£2.50 + postage
Order printed — £2.50
03 — Membership

You've officially joined the No Bullshit Club.

fk that membership card — front
front
fk that membership card — back
back

This card entitles the holder to:

  • Unlimited eye-rolls;
  • One dramatic exit per week; and
  • The right to block anyone, anytime, for any reason.

The little card that means it.

Tuck it in a purse. Send it to a friend. Stick it on the fridge next to the takeaway menu. The message text is free to download — or order the printed card, on proper stock, in a tiny envelope.

£1.50 + postage
Order printed — £1.50 + postage

Free UK postage when your total is over £20.

04 — Colouring

Swear words. Flowers. Felt tips.

Nobody's ever calmed down by being told to calm down. Colouring in an enormous rude word for forty minutes, though — that does something. Three books. All A4. Available as an instant PDF download, or as a printed copy posted to you.

Oh Fk colouring book cover

Book One — for stage one.

Pure profanity. Enormous, meticulously-drawn rude words with flowers growing out of them, aimed squarely at the person who just wrecked your week. Colour him in. Colour him out.

A peek inside
Oh Fk sample page 1 Oh Fk sample page 2
35 individual designs to colour in
£3.99 instant download · £5.99 printed
Buy & download — £3.99 Order printed — £5.99
Blocked colouring book cover

Book Two — for the in-between.

Still sweary. Slightly less murderous. Half the pages are for him. The other half are for the version of you that's starting to notice she doesn't miss him quite as much today.

A peek inside
Blocked sample page 1 Blocked sample page 2
49 individual designs to colour in
£3.99 instant download · £5.99 printed
Buy & download — £3.99 Order printed — £5.99
Next colouring book cover

Book Three — for the good bit.

Still a swear word on every page — because we're not doing self-help in cursive over here. But this one's for you: pep talks, filthy little affirmations, and pages that remind you the best is round the next corner.

A peek inside
Next sample page 1 Next sample page 2
29 individual designs to colour in
£3.99 instant download · £5.99 printed
Buy & download — £3.99 Order printed — £5.99
Now the serious part

Sarcasm is a coping mechanism. It isn't the whole story.

Everything on this site comes out of something real. The jokes are here because they helped — not because it was funny at the time. If you're in the part that isn't funny yet, that's written down properly somewhere else: the long version, the honest version, without the confetti.

Read the real story at aboutastory.co.uk →

If you're not safe. If someone is hurting you, controlling you or frightening you, that isn't a break-up and this site isn't the right help.

In the UK, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline is free and open 24 hours: 0808 2000 247
In an emergency, call 999